trip to km8 cancelled. ): pouts. now i'm like super bored.. everybody's like telling me, go study go study. its a good thing la but now exam period = all my friends busy. sad la!
well, means no pictures will be up yet. maybe after tmr? meeting twinnie. lets just hope she will confirm meet me tmr. (: cant wait to go towning with her.
k la, i think i better go find things to do before i really go crazy staying home.
its all in the mind.
ciaos~
4:42 PM
went 97 (the C.A.N.TO kind-of place) with my love and a group of viva people yesterday. didnt even touch a sip of alcohol at all okay! i was so tempted but na-ah~ no alcohol for 2 weeks means 2 weeks! (i know i'm a good girl). haha. my love drank like crazy. he just happily drink and drink. but miraculously, he wasnt VERY drunk.
well, the songs there werent that good but my love and i had fun discriminating, criticising and gossiping abt people. ha. we saw people with those really 80s kind of hair and dressing. even the way people dance also makes us laugh like crazy. lol. its funny how people can just make a fool out of themselves. oh ya, there was this guy who was wearing some totally tight fitting short berms(
totally OH MY GOD!).
whats wrong with all these people?! haha. no sense of dressing.
eeewww PLS! and ya, another funnier thing, on the stage was this he-she who was shaking his head like mad! bet that he-she's on
ecstasy. happily shaking her head like nobodys business. SO FUNNY OKAY! and if its a pretty he-she still okay. the he-she had a freaking
MOUSTACHE! though i couldnt see clearly from far but i could see it's not those kind of short moustache but those totally
OBVIOUS kind. -.- okay, i sound mean but it's normal
right? the rest of the group were happily dancing. i dont understand how they can enjoy the music also. ha. my love and i just kept sticking to each other. lol. one of those from our group told him that he very "xian mu(in chinese)" us. =x i was like "really?", then my love hugged me tighter den said "of course". HAHA. awww~ i felt so loved pls! the feeling was
DOPE! finally our relationship doesnt seem in the dark anymore. YIPEE! but i still have to know what to do when i'm at work. obviously, i will. ha. so during work, we'll be like boss and staff. but i'm fine with it. cos as long as i know he's mine(though not totally) would be enough. he told me i caught his heart so i guess i need not worry anymore. sometimes i feel i really worry too much.
the songs there din really make me wanna move but at least they had some rnbs in between their technos, canto songs and trance. danced a little. but din have the "form" to. -.- obviously becos i din drink. technos bring back memories. and their technos were once my favourites when i was 12-13. [KER, REMEMBER VALVES? HAHA!]
okok. enough of the 97 stuff.
going KM8 with ker and clique for der's birthday tomorrow. pictures will soon be up. haven been taking pics this days. promise there'll be pics up real soon!
gtg get some rest already. if not tmr i cant get up in time. so ciaos~
gonna miss my love. ): -pouts-
2:56 AM
yes, i've been a really good girl. stayed home again today. went out for a while in the afternoon to get my mum and myself lunch. and maybe going out later to viva. heh. =x maybe not that good girl afterall. but i really cant stand staying at home anymore. i can just go crazy pls! i feel so isolated. well, watched britney's movie just now. so nice okay! she was like so innocent when she had first came out to the media world. ha. her song "I'm not a girl, Not yet a woman", super suit me. i know its like so long already but it really represents me. i admit i'm still a girl and i'm still trying to find the woman in me. (:okay, my english doesnt sound right today. haha. whatever.~my love came to find me yesterday and like i expected, he was DRUNK! but i can understand la. i know what he's going thru now. its normal for a troubled person to get drunk. i tried to comfort him but i'm seriously not a good comforter. he keeps asking me not to worry. LIKE HOW TO LAH?! looking at him so troubled makes it so heartbreaking. well, i was really happy that he came to find me yesterday. as in really happy. (: heh. i felt so nice in his arms. awww~ i really hope he'll be happier soon. he'll get what he wants this year, and i'm sure about it. alright alright, i gotta go prepare to go out alr.
10:03 PM
stayed home the whole freaking day and gorged myself with food. every minute i think about all the different types of food and keep making myself feel hungry. i cant wait to get myself some nice lunch or dinner. now i have to keep eating home cooked food. i want to eat the new oriental chicken thing from KFC like now! -.- i keep seeing the ad. goodness, I WANT TO EAT GOOD FOOD! i just have to like tolerate for another week of no COLD DRINKS and no good food as well as my favourite food. owells, my love's coming over later to see me. GREAT! i miss him like tons pls!! haven been seeing him for 2 days. k la, gotta go play my o2 jam while waiting for him. CIAOS~
12:04 AM
wooooo~just hanged up the phone with my love. cant stand him and his self praising. LMAO. he's always always there to cheer me up and to make me not bored. i felt so dead bored before he called. now, i cant stop smiling. its funny how he can really make me love him so much. fuck man, i'm really going bonkers.we were chatting about almost everything. ha. he was telling me if i slim down a little more, i'll look damn hot and gorgeous even though i am already but i'll be even better looking. hehs. i felt so proud. =p yes yes, i know i'm irresistable in his eyes. haha. shiat, i sound so bitchy all of a sudden. and he was saying he always wan me to find the best for myself, like if i find a better guy, he'll be sad but he'll be glad to let go. when i heard that i was like... awwww~ den i told him about this stupid dream i had yesterday, i told him i was really worried that he'll leave me for another girl then he said he doubts he will but he's even more worried i'll leave him soon cos he's aware of my long queue. haha. =x owells, i will leave if i find someone better of course but the question is "will i?". he's just so special. i do agree he doesnt have the best of looks but its just his character and all about him. he's the type of guy i've been wanting to have. he asked me whether i'm mentally prepared again. always asking the same question. i told him, "if i'm not, i wont be speaking to you now.". ha. okay. this whole freaking blog is about him. i just wanna let everyone know how wonderful my bf is. haha! ciaos
11:36 PM
finally got a burden off my head. like really FINALLY! though i dont feel really good about it but it's better this way, i guess. i've never felt so much love from my family for so long. it's really heartwarming to know that i have my family's care and concern. everytime i think of it, it warms my heart and makes me really feel like crying. i really cant think of a way to thank them enough. i've given them problems since young and after this experience, i think i should really wake up and learn from this mistake. i've always been the little princess at home, making everyone so worried for me. i've never made them proud of me in my whole life before. but it's still never too late. "mum, rendy kor, rough kor, shermaine jie, da sao, i've learnt from this big mistake i've made and will prove that i can make it through my future by myself. i'm really very grateful for the love and care you guys have shown me. i'm really very very grateful. i wont let any one of you worry ever again. (: I LOVE YOU!" action speaks louder den words so.. WAIT AND SEE! (: heh.asked my 2nd brother's gf to help me check out on the o'lvl intake next yr. i'm not gonna give up halfway again! think i'll be going into masters and degree after my o'lvls. might be going into mass comm or maybe marketing and econs. i know everyone is just so sick of me saying this over and over again but this time, i wont let myself fail again. NEVER! i will suceed! owells, been craving for SO many things to eat today but i'm so restricted from eating everything. i had to force pork liver down my throat today. and the mee sua was so plain pls. all i had for lunch was mee sua with pork liver and pork. lucky its gonna be only for a meal. but i still have to force pork liver down my throat for the next one week. i've never ever eaten pork liver since young. once i taste it, i'd wan to vomit but well, i have no choice. my 2nd brother just went down to get food for me. (: i'm dead hungry pls! oh ya, met up with dearest twinnie and my little short bitch yesterday. they came up to my place. how sweet right? heh. twinnie changed so muchh!!!!! she keep talking about studying nowadays. -.- it's a good thing la but so UNBELIEVABLE! ha. and i'm glad ker found her right(?) one. haha. they're like so cute together! okay, my love called after i finished my op. i guess he was busy so din really talk much. cant ask for much also ma hor? but he like dont really care leh! -pouts- maybe really cos he was busy la. but he called yesterday when i told him i very scared to go for the op. den while he was working, he accompanied me on the phone. well, i guess he doesnt know how to show much care. he kept telling me he's not in a position to control what i do but i dont mind. i really dont mind. i seem so distant from him. bo bian, my boss ma. haha. oh, dear promised a mini schnauzer for my bdae. WHEE! but my bdae is so far away..my blog is really boring. yes yes, twinnie's out = MUCH MORE pics!finally voiced out to "her" that i'm with him. felt so much better. though she said its okay, but i could feel the hurt inside her. i feel so bad. but somethings just cant be controlled nor forced right? since they've been friends for so long already. i din become a third party between them either. but i felt bad cos i actually know she still loves him deeply and i kept our relationship from her. owells, now everything's settled and i hope she'll move on. i know my position. and am ready and mentally prepared for the worse. (:
8:46 PM
i'm so full of energy today! just woke up feeling so energetic. and guess what?!, twinnie's out! my goooooodnesss, i cant wait to see her pls! been waiting for this day to come. she's supposed to meet me today but i just cant contact her. damn! yesterday was a really tiring day for me. went home early from work and slept all the way in the cab till home. even while i was walking and going up the lift, my eyes were almost closed. when i reached home, the first thing i did was lie on my comfy bed and totally went DEAD. ha. i've never felt so tired for so darned long. and i loved the feeling when i lied on my bed. outing with my love tonight. cant wait. i wanna go club with him. dance and get high with him. =x haha. i'm mad. he has been treating me really nice these days. love it. and i think almost everyone knows i'm with him already. its not really a good news.. we're supposed to keep a really low profile. but WHO CARES?! ha. i love him and thats it.
owells, havent been meeting ker for almost a week? that short bitch forever so heartless! =x ha. or maybe is cos i'm always working or sleeping. hehs. i havent been mj-ing for like SO SO SO long. damn! mj? anyone?!arghh! i wanna go out like now but everyone seems so busy. =/ okay, time for dinner. CHAOS~
6:20 PM
oh god, i feel so weird without ciggarettes now. -.- came back this morning only to realise i left my ciggys in his office. and my whole family's not around! if at least one of them is at home, i'll still be able to smoke. ha. a family of smokers, gamblers(not heavy ones) and drinkers but of course none of my family members are hooligans nor gangsters. cool family right? lol.was supposed to meet ker and the rest this morning for sun-bathing. but i couldnt get up. ): spent the whole morning with my love. hehs. its really nice to lie in his arms and chat about almost everything. (: i just love being with him. owells, just finished chatting with jadee. she bought a maltese. -envy- i wanna get a schnauzer too. goodness! fine, i'm gonna aim for a puppy schnauzer. aim for this year = get a miniature schnauzer.finally, father's back. got a pack of ciggs from him. hah. (: okay, i'm feeling really hungry now, i better go get some food. shall continue blogging later. toodles~
5:54 PM
been feeling rather sleepless this days. dont know why also. keep waking up early in the afternoon, and cant get back to sleep after that. just cant seem to get exact 8 hours of sleep.
went k-box with some friends till 6am this morning and drank quite alot. actually wanted to head home straight from work but just suddenly changed my mind. din drink during work yesterday also. and for the whole week, i cant be drinking during work. ): well, guess i'll take it as a break. drinking everyday aint good for me either.
was supposed to go out with him to meet his hongkie friends for lunch but he didnt get up so din meet up in the end. =/ owells, i feel its hard for him to find time for me. sometimes i get really frustrated over this but guess i'll have to get used to it. for the past one month, he hasnt been spending much time with me. bet he doesnt even realise it. i've been really patient with him, never showed him temper before. maybe cos seeing him just takes all the anger away. (: i've never been this way before. its like so not me when it comes to relationships.
i just hope things will get better as time passes.
5:09 PM
my love's back from his trip. (: i was so happy to recieve his phone call when he reached sg. was in my room with ker and the rest den he called. i straightaway jumped up from my chair and ran into my bro's room to ans his call. ha. its funny how i can really go mad over him. lol. he sent me home after work yesterday. as usual, talked about lots of stuffs. talked about what i did or went during his absence. hehs. sweet stuffs he said to make me smile. loved the way he held my hand. (: he even asked me, am i okay with the way he treats me? i hesitated for quite long before answering. i just said, everything's fine but just that he makes me miss him too much. ha. his reply was, "that's my ulterior motive". so fine, i'll just continue going crazy over missing him. (: nothing is forever. all this sweetness will all end someday. i just pray it wont end so soon. (: owells, i spent the whole day at home today. (: playing O2 the whole evening den watched tv and kept eating! ate around 1/4 of my tub ice cream. just couldnt stop my mouth from eating. think i'm gonna put on another 3 kg already. =( ya, yesterday work was T-I-R-I-N-G. i din get to sit for more then half an hour. there were just too many customers and too little staffs. and so many people just want to irritate me. i was damn pissed yesterday at work. i kept frowning. ha. bet i must have made some bad impressions. =x i was scolding vulgarities when some drunkard nearly made me fall. i behaved like some hooligan. shiat! must have spoiled my image. -pouts- well, i guess its not gonna happen again. heh. oh ya, and i freaking threw my fav watch away. ): REGRETS! guess ker was right when she asked me not to wear that watch. ha.alrights, gotta go for more O2 jamming. ciaos~
1:56 AM
left work early today. wasnt feeling very good. chatted with frederick abt some stuffs. somehow the topic we were at, kinda got me feeling upset. there is something i cant go around telling people abt. and its really troubling me. dunno why suddenly i feel so down. its not abt my relationship.. i really need to cry out to someone. but i cant bring myself to break down in front of my friends. i dont wan anyone to worry too much abt me. but it really kills to keep this pain to myself. sigh. yes, i may seem happy every single day cos i wan to be happy and not let myself think too much. but today i just cant control my emotions. decided to leave work early cos i was afraid i'd just break down in front of everyone..
even my relationship doesnt seem right. i tend to think too much. sometimes i really wish i know what he's thinking or what he really feels. i just have too much doubts. tried to put it away but it aint that easy. i find it hard to trust him totally. not that i dont wan to. i'm just afraid i'll go through another heartache. maybe time will tell, I HOPE. he already gave me many chances to think whether i really wan this relationship to work out. i chose the answer yes so i'll just accept it. no regrets. all i wish for now, in this relationship is for him to show a little more love. its not too much to ask for, is it?
alright, i shall stop being emo. was supposed to get my beauty sleep but cant get to sleep cos i feel i really needed to pour out some thoughts. owells, now i feel a little better. i seriously need to get more sleep. havent been sleeping well nowadays. plus i gotta go town with ker and group tmr. so i guess i'll just end here for now.
Good Night Peeps.
3:05 AM
went geographer 2 days ago. first time there and the place sucks! -.- not my kind of music. as for the live band, i still prefer babyface's old liveband. ha. maybe cos me and my friends know the thai singers at babyface last time. they're the best! hehs. i doubt i'll go geographer again. DAMN boring pls! maybe i wont even club anymore. clubbing is like out. so sick and tired of clubbing already. been clubbing since 13.. if i say i wont get sick of clubbing, its a lie. ha. i rather just find a nice relaxing lounge to just sit and chill. so much more better then squeezing through crowds. if i need to dance, i rather just go for dance classes. or maybe even just dance in front of my mirror. LOL. thats what me and ker always do. maybe once in a while go clubbing still okay. unlike last time, clubbing was every weds, fri and sat. ha. owells, yesterday work was very relaxing. only a few tables around. kept singing songs to past time. then bell came to find me for a while. like finally! been ages since i saw her. she finally remembers that she has a jiemei. ha. alrights. i shall blog again tmr. nothing much to blog.. going to meet ker for dinner later. so i better go get ready. toodles~
2:29 PM
i woke up feeling really emotional. suddenly miss my love so much. wont be able to see him until 7th. gonna miss his calls, his crappiness, his cold jokes, his lovely kisses. he's gonna be flying really often. SADNESS! what to do,,, he's a busy man. anyways, i'm prepared for it ever since the day we got together. i know he wont have much time for me, cos i know i wont have time for him either. sticking to my bf is not my kind-of-thing. (: even if he goes missing for months, i reckon that i wont go crazy. ha. MAYBE only la. lol. Contradicting. Oh goodness, i miss his voice. usually at this time, he'll give me a call to check if i'm awake alrdy not. BUT he's away! -pouts-okay, enough of talking about him. ha. (: yesterday i managed to get stomp the yard's dvd, FINALLY! gonna watch it later before i head to work. i wanted to catch the show in the movies but... in the end, never watch. its okay, cos watching at home aint that bad either. cos my home has the surround sound thing. feel like ordering pizza hut for dinner today. suddenly have this huge craving for pizza hut but FATTENING! i think i'm gaining back weight again. i better do more exercise before i really gain weight again. it took me such a long time to lose my fats. hehs. alrights. i think i'll end here for today. i think my blog seems kinda boring today. and my english standard seems to have dropped. I better start to read books again. (:TOODLES~
4:29 AM
just finished mahjong-ing with my brother, his gf and ker again. ha. i'm like a total addict to mahjong now. (:stayed over at dee's place yesterday. played a round of mahjong den headed to bed. woke up at like 3pm den went for dinner with dee. had pepper lunch. i'm getting so sick of it. the jadee can seriously eat pepper lunch everyday and doesnt get sick of it. "Dee, thanks for being there for me whenever i needed you.". (: sweetness! sheesh, i miss the japanese restaurant my customer brought me to 2 - 3 months ago. i tell you, its the best japanese food i've ever consumed in my life. just a slice of salmon belly costs like 20 bucks. madness. and its just a THIN slice. goodness! i think if anyone tries that restaurant will get sick of sakae sushi. sakae sushi is just like japanese fast food. ha. i cant wait for my next pay day. i'm like broke pls! never felt so broke for such a long time alr. i better take train to work for this whole week. gotta save money for some things. whee, he finally called me after hours of waiting for his call. (: -loves- guess i'll try my best to try to trust him. ha. just hope he wont betray my trust. even if he does, i doubt i'll blame him for long. there's not a need to quarrel over small things. hehs. this totally doesnt sound like me. guess i've grown up. =D alrights. shall blog again tmr in the afternoon. maybe update the hongkong trip post. cos i'm like so lazy now. ha. nights peeps! (:
12:53 AM
woohoo! i'm in a very very good mood today. heh. oh my god, my darling was so darned sweet yesterday. if only he can be like that everyday. i'm happy that he actually shares his thoughts with me. and tell me things that really made me feel so loved. i do admit i still have my doubts but maybe i should set it all aside and stop worrying. he even said words that has NEVER EVER came out from his mouth. so unbelievable. maybe cos he was kinda tipsy. but they always say a drunkard speaks from the heart. heh. i cant stop replaying what he said in my mind. just makes me smile at the thought of it. ha. YES, i'm in love! =x (again) LOL. owells, had a game of mj yesterday with ker, zen and rach.. i lost. how sad right? =/ ha. but it was just a friendly match la. we din bet. wanted to but in the end, didnt. anyways, today i'm going for another mj session again with another group of friends. i'm like using mj to pass my time nowadays. love it. oh ya, will post my other days of hongkong trip some other days. dont have the time now. all dedicated to MJ. ha. will be back soon. ciao~
11:32 PM
Bell